Last weekend I got my shii together. Feel free to change that extra i with a t because I walked out of a 2 hour event feeling like I had done just that! The afternoon of Sunday the 8th of April is one I will not forget, as I walked out of the "Get Your Shii Together" event and into the rest of my life...
Limiting Self Beliefs
This phrase seems self explanatory. In a sense it is, but these 3 words can mean the world when you begin to break them down. To travel back in the past to find the roots of these shackles and put together the puzzle of how and why these beliefs exist, you are able to re-write these thoughts in your mind and free yourself from a prison of doubt and negativity.
Upon arriving at "Get Your Shii Together" we were given a book to work through as Alaina from Shii Mii and Clare from G.G Creative explained what limiting self beliefs are, how they are formed and what effect these beliefs have on our day to day lives. Limiting self beliefs are stored in the unconscious mind as the conscious mind is quickly overloaded as it deals with the small day to day realities, the big stuff is shifted as information over to the subconscious mind. Negative comments, doubts and untrue limiting beliefs are stored in the unconscious mind and play over and over and over, holding us back from self love, confidence and the ability to move forward towards our goals.
My Personal Limiting Self Beliefs
These were difficult to pin point initially - on first thought I couldn't work them out. But once I discovered one, they kept coming. Some of them surprised me. Some of them sounded silly. But all of them were holding me back in one way or another. Here are some of my limiting self beliefs....
1. I am not likeable and no one wants to be my friend. I feet like a little kid admitting to myself that I feel this way, especially because I am so sociable and confident in groups and public speaking, but there it was glaringly obvious and loud in the back of my mind. This limiting self belief has plagued me again and again, no matter how many friends I have, it is right there niggling away at me.
2. I am not creatively talented. Again, another shocker considering my job is so creative but I regularly, daily even, tell myself this.
3. I am not unique, I am run of the mill. This is a big one. I tell myself so often that I am unoriginal it makes me hate myself sometimes.
4. I am not mumsy enough. This is a tricky one. I don't particularity want to identify as mumsy, but I feel so uncomfortable in certain settings where I don't fit the mum mold. I feel as though I want to hide in a cave at school pick up and drop off. I don't feel comfortable being myself there and tell myself I am not mumsy enough, I am not taken seriously, the insecurities are painful. On the other hand I like not being mumsy, I identify as something different. Either way, flipping back and forth, I tell myself I am not doing it right, that I am not right.
5. I can't manage my time properly. My anxiety cripples me some days, as I try to do too much and end up doing nothing. I get mad at myself and repeat in my head that I can't focus, I can't make things happen properly, it goes on and on and on. "I can't, I can't, I can't"
6. I struggle to let people close to me and always need a way out because there is something wrong with me. Again, for someone so open, this one caught me by surprise, but my sister confirmed this one with me! I am not good at intimate relationships, not romantically - I have never struggled in that respect, I am a very open partner and good at vulnerability but not at all when it comes to other important relationships. I don't let people very close and I tell myself in my mind that it is my fault, that I will never let people in and that I am no good at closeness. It has become another thing I repeat to myself often, a negative way of viewing myself.
It can be hard admitting these things, we all like to portray or think of ourselves as not having beliefs like these but we all have them. I openly shared my limiting self beliefs with the group because I wanted to allow myself that vulnerability and also because I think it might come across on social media or in my somewhat public life that I don't have these kind of thoughts. I sure as hell do. We all have something. We need to stop pretending otherwise.
Where Do These Beliefs Come From?
The next step we took was to work out where these beliefs originated. Mine became very obvious. Comments from people over the years was one of the main causes - it's amazing how much one negative or hurtful sentence imprints in the mind and stays there, building upon itself like a snowball of self doubt. Some had come from loss, whether that be a friendship gone sour which hurt as deeply as a break up or loss of a person, position or place. I've had quite a wild ride in life, filled with incredible highs and black lows, there are scars and hurts, many which take the form of limiting self beliefs. Putting everything together in this way brought on an epiphany. It all suddenly made sense. I thought back and was able to identify where each of these beliefs were coming from and then it was time to work to challenge them. Were any of these beliefs serving me? No. Were any of them true? No. Not one!
I have never been hypnotized. I've seen shows where they hypnotize the audience to do wild and ridiculous things and I have always screamed "actor, actor, actor" but this was not that kind of hypnosis. This was a calming way to re-wire the negative thoughts being stored in the subconscious mind. Clare explained what the hypnosis was, what to expect and also how it is impossible to hypnotize someone to behave or think outside of their morals and values. Eg- you cannot hypnotize someone to do something they don't personally believe in or align with. This hypnosis would simply be a way to access the part of the brain which we don't communicate with day to day.
Wow. Seriously wow. Speechless wow. I had no idea what to expect but it was incredible. Clare guided us through a relaxation and then began speaking to us while we were in this deeper state of mind. She began replacing our negative thoughts with positive ones which we repeated in our minds and we did this for, we were all surprised at the end, almost an hour. It felt like 20 minutes if that. Time completely changed while in this state. I opened my eyes and felt amazing, uplifted, calm and centered. It was incredible to be guided through a hypnosis and be told on the count down from 10 to slowly lower my eye lids and by 1 they were closed. I felt I had no control but to close them. It felt as though I was completely malleable, receptive, in a different place.
The real, glowing, out of this world joy and change came to me following the event, during an afternoon walk. Clare explained it is not uncommon to feel emotional following a hypnosis like this, with all of the negativity being released and positive affirmations buzzing around in the subconscious. She was not lying. I took my dog for a walk, on only 2 hours sleep from being up the night before with my sick son, but I was energetic, elated, on top of the world. I started crying. I was walking in the sunset, connected to everything, the whole world looked beautiful suddenly and I felt overcome with it all. I felt like I truly loved myself, like the things I had been telling myself were nonsense and that I felt worthy, I felt like me and that everything about me was ok just as it is. I felt love for all people in my life, for the strangers I passed by, love, in every form; pure empathy and kindness bursting from within me. I was on a high but I was also completely calm. I was present.
This event should be implemented in schools, in the workplace, everywhere it can be! The sad truth is we all walk around everyday feeling negatively about our selves, in one way or another. We each hold very different limiting beliefs "I'm not smart enough" "I can't do that" "people don't love me" "I am terrible at ....(insert a thousand different things)". To be able to free these beliefs which are locked away inside and release them is completely life changing.
I can't quite believe just two hours on a random Sunday the other week has done this for me. I can't wait to go again. The conversations we have with ourselves are the most important conversations, the constant internal playback dictates how our days and eventually, how our lives pan out. Cleaning up this conversation, liberating ourselves from the negative commentary, is the single most important thing we can do. We leave room for kindness, love and empathy for others when this garbage is cleared from our minds.
The next "Get Your Shii Together" event is on Sunday the 29th and focuses on cultivating good relationships, whether that be family, friendships or romantic love. For details, head over to Shii Mii or G.G Creative.
Go. Go now. Get your shii together. You bloody well deserve to love all that you are, we all do!